Reflections from the ACF sleepover: What's your toy?

This past weekend was the ACF girl's sleepover!  It was a wonderful night filled with fellowship, sweets, and giggling college girls.  It's always nice to have a night to hang with other girls, with NO BOYS ALLOWED! 

That night we had the privilege of having a speaker come in and talk with us about the masks we hide behind.  Hers was beauty, and the need to be perfect or beautiful in society's eyes.  She was a wonderful speaker, but unfortunately I forget her name :/

She told us a story she had heard at a conference a few years ago.  A two year old came running up to her father and wanted to sit on his lap and tell him about her day.  She climbed up, snuggled in, and began to talk.  Quickly, she dozed off to sleep.  The father looked down and savored the moment.  He looked over her and fell a little more in love with his baby girl.  He looked at her little toes.  How adorable her toes were!  Perfect in every way. This got the man thinking, this is how God looks at us.  As we "climb on His lap" and talk to Him through prayer, He looks down on us like an adoring father. 

I don't know about you, but as a child I loved to sit on my dad's lap.  To have a story read to me or just watch my favorite TV show with my father.  But eventually, something else would catch my eye and I'd climb down.  Most often this was a shiny toy or something else new and interesting. 

When we are sitting with our Heavenly Father, we can also be distracted and get up and walk away.  The thing distracting us might not be a new toy, but perhaps perfection, beauty, straight A's, a boy (for us girls, its often a boy .... a very cute boy).  The list goes on and on.  But the important thing to remember is God welcomes us back with open arms and never-ending love.  Eventually the attractiveness of the "toy" will fade and we realize there is no place as safe and as loving as sitting with your Father.

What's your toy?

Praises for Schoolwork ... Wait, WHAT?!?

I've been working on homework most of the afternoon for a grad class that hasn't even met yet.  And just as I was going to post a status to facebook about how annoying this was, I got a humbling thought.

I should be thankful for this schoolwork.

It means I have the opportunity and privilege to attend school and continue my education.  In many places throughout the world, it is a rarity for someone to be able to attend graduate school, let alone a woman!

So instead of complaining I intend to thank God for this opportunity!  

There will be times when I want to quit, complain, and cry ... but I ask you all to remind me to THANK GOD in these times for He has brought me to this place for His purpose.

~Sar

Year of Change

So I haven't blogged in over a year.  And as I don't have many (if any) loyal followers, I find this completely acceptable.  After all, it was my senior year of college!  A lot has happened in this last year.  While I don't expect anyone to actually read this point (but let's be honest, all the cool kids will be doing it so you should too) I thought it would be cool to write out what all has happened.

I started my senior year of college at Arcadia surrounded by some of the greatest people I know.  I was a biology major and KNEW I was to complete my bachelor's degree then go on to a Master's program for Public Health (don't know what that is, don't worry not many people do) and then land a wonderful job in a community education setting.  I mean who WOULDN'T want to hire me.  The only fly in the ointment (say that word out loud, doesn't it sound funny... makes me chuckle every time) was where to go to graduate school.  I applied to Jefferson, and had my interview, acceptance, and sent my deposit all within three hours.  I was certain that with it all working out so nicely it must have been God's will.  But perhaps I should have slowed down and prayed over it before rushing into this, but more on that later. 

In February came the yearly conference JUBILEE.  Only the best weekend EVER for those in a CCO ministry.  This was my second year going and I was stoked.  I was staying in a room with two of my closest friends and one girl who I wanted to get to know better.  It was going to be EPIC.  And it was epic, but for entirely different reasons than I thought going in.

You have to know that background on me to know why it was so .... interesting.  You see there was this boy (there is ALWAYS a boy in a story like this) who I kinda sorta had a small little barely there crush on and off for the past couple years.  And he was here at this conference.  You see the year before we were best friends, but he had since graduated so we didn't talk as much.  The night before the conference we went on what has now been called a "non-date date."  Basically we went out to dinner, but for the mind of this girl, that meant there was a slight chance he was into me.  HA!

Anyway, over Jubilee weekend there was this awkward tension between us and we were both totally distracted.  Finally our campus minister and his wife (although there are more than that, they are friends) kicked us both in the butt to focus on Jesus and not on the non-existent "us."  Well that lead to him and I talking, and (drum roll please) the next week we were dating!  Then we weren't, but now we are so all is good.  (Ask me the story of how he asked my out the second time ... adorable)

So since my last post, I am now dating my best friend.  He is a great man of God that makes me smile, so I'm happy!  (And he is too, I think, at least I hope so).  But that's enough gooshy stuff.  I am the type of girl who mocks the "lovey dovey" types (I need to work on this because I shouldn't be mocking someone for me different from me) so these past three paragraphs are a stretch for me.

ANYWHO....

In May I graduated college!!! For most people this is a super exciting time in their lives (and I guess it was for me too, but in a different way).  Graduation was accompanied by a complete emotional breakdown ... that lasted a week.  I did not want to grow up and do this adult thing.  But instead of opening my Bible or praying, I just sat on the couch and cried.  A lot.  And I DON'T cry.  I hate crying.  So I don't cry.  Except for this week.  My face was constantly in a state of totally attractive puffyness with a ring of red around me eyes.  Finally I realized that my way of fixing this (by denying it was happening) wasn't working.  I NEEDED God.  I needed His love, His mercy, His forgiveness (for trying to handle everything by myself), but most of all I needed His assurance that He had a wonderful and beautiful plan for my life.  I needed what I like to call a "God hug."  Sometimes you just want to be able to touch and feel God's presence like a warm bear hug and Him assure you everything is going to be okay.  (I know what you are thinking, "Sarah you HATE hugs."  This is true, but come on!  A hug from the Creator would be AWESOME.)  It's not that I was doubting God, I KNEW everything He said was true, I just wasn't believing it.  Foolish.  So I cracked open my dusty Bible.  I am not going to say it was easy or as soon as I opened the Bible I felt better, cause that would be a lie.  It takes time.  But you know what, eventually I got that "God hug."  The holy spirit was there to wrap me in love and truth.  To the bottom of my soul I knew that everything would be okay.  Slowly, with hard work and trips to the good ol' therapist, the panic attacks started to go away.  I am in no way anxiety free, but I KNOW that my Savior loves me and will protect and provide for me.  That is all I can ask for.

I'm almost done, I promise...

So a solid TWO WEEKS before starting Jefferson, I went to visit.  My first real visit, mind you.  And that evening I withdrew.  City life is not for me.  And that's okay.  Instead of jumping into Jeff, I should have stopped and prayed for guidance.  But, alas, I didn't.  Foolishly.  But that is not the end to my education!! I am going to continue getting my Master's at Arcadia and I am SO EXCITED.  I am able to stay with the fellowship I have grown so close to (they couldn't get rid of me if they tried) and continue growing in my faith.  That is was makes me happy about this opportunity.  Of course I'll be 5 hours away from the bf, which will be stinky, but we will, as Tim Gunn says, make it work. 

So that is what happened in the past year.  If you have actually read this far, I would love to say you get a special prize, but you don't.  But you do get a THANK YOU!

More to come!

~Sarah